Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
