my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
