i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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