So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
