I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
