i wish my penis had a tongue
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
