I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize