Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
