I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
