I have demons in me.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
