Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
did i just pee glitter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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