I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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