If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
