my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
