she looked like the bat from fern gully.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
