I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
