I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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