my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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