she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
