At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
