I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
