he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
