VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
