i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
