I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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