eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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