He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
