AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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