I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We had to coat check the pizza.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
