i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
