oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I need a beard to bite.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
