Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
