sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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