life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
