she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
