it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
