she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
