smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
