If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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