Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
