The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
