Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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