I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
