my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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