Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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