I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
