just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
