I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize