I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
