New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
