I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
