it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i now understand why vodka
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
