You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
