sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
