i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
