i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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