whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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