I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
