Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
