I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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