Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
