If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
