I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
