Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
