I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize