ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
