So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Randomize
