I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
