I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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