She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she smelled like a LAN party
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
