So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
