Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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