i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You need Xanax blowdarts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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