I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize