Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
