Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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