i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
