He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Vodka?
Forever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
